63. Is Being 'Busy' Triggering Your Migraines?

Dr. Leslie introduces you to "Jessica," a client with daily head pain who wakes up feeling relatively okay, creates a massive to-do list, then races against time before inevitably ending up bedridden by 3 PM.

Jessica's husband keeps telling her: "Honey, let me do that. You're doing too much. Just relax." But she just can't stop.

Sound familiar?

In this episode, Dr. Leslie explores the hidden connection between your never-ending task list, anxiety, and your migraines.

She explains why the daily race to accomplish everything before the pain hits is actually draining your vitality, the very thing you need to keep migraines at bay.

Dr. Leslie reveals her compass dial analogy: your resilience and vitality are constantly pushing your needle away from the migraine zone, while stressors push it down. When you add anxiety-driven task racing to physical stress, you create the perfect storm.

If you've ever felt guilty about resting, been told you need to "just relax," or wondered why you can't follow simple stress-reduction advice even though you desperately want to, this episode reveals the unconscious beliefs sabotaging your healing.

If Jessica's story resonates and you'd like personalized guidance on identifying what's really blocking your path to healing, Dr. Leslie offers free consultations to discuss your unique situation.

Schedule below your free consultation with Dr. Leslie, and start rediscovering your migraine-free life today.

https://www.drlesliecisar.com/apply

Free Training: 5 Proven Steps to Being Migraine Free (Even if you think you've already tried everything.)

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Episode Transcript

today we're gonna talk about the topic
is your task list giving you migraines
so I wanna talk about this today
because this actually came up
while I was working with a client
this week she is a new client and um
I'm gonna call her Jessica
so Jessica she and I just started working together
Jessica has daily head pain
amongst my clientele this is actually pretty common
so I work with a lot of women who have daily head pain
or near daily head pain if it's not daily
maybe they have 1 or 2 days a month
where they don't have any head pain
uh Jessica
is one of those unfortunate women
that has been struggling with daily head pain
for many years when people have daily headache
what they typically experience
is they will have some level of continuous headache
throughout the day maybe
you know an hour or two here or there
where they don't have any head pain
or maybe you know 15
30 minutes here and there
where they don't have any head pain
but basically they have head pain 24 7
and the only question is
what level of severity is the head pain going to be
they may wake up with a relatively
mild amount of head pain
they might call it a 1 or a 2 out of 10 and then um
at some point during the day
usually as the day wears on
maybe in the afternoon late afternoon
the head pain starts to get worse
and so then it's going to start to escalate 3 to 4
5 to 6 by the time it gets to a seven or an 8
now we're really in territory where it gets very tough
to just white knuckle your way through
and push through right
and then you know eight
nine 10 we're talking like full blown migraine zone
you're in bed you're down for the day right
so when women have daily head pain
this is what usually happens
the the level of severity of the head pain
fluctuates throughout the day
and usually
they'll have a relatively low level of head pain
kind of humming along
and then they're gonna go into full blown migraine
flares periodically
um so for Jessica what her typical day is like
she usually feels at her best in the morning
so she'll wake up
more in that 1 to 2 head pain level range
and then by about 2 or three
she is very likely she's gonna have to go to bed right
the head pain is hitting that 7 8
9 level and she's not gonna be able to
really do too much more that day
so she might rest in the afternoon
in the hopes that she'll feel a little bit better
by the time the evening comes around
and she'll be able to get out of bed
and at least you know
if her kids come home from school or you know
her uh
husband comes home
they can at least do a little something
she can at least interact with her family a little bit
in that sort of uh
early evening time frame
that's sort of the best case scenario
so Jessica
is really in that unfortunate pattern right now
so when people uh
get into this pattern uh
there's a common way of coping with this that comes up
and so let's say if let's say
let's see if this resonates for you
if you are someone who has daily head pain
we want to accomplish something during the day right
most people
they wanna feel like they've accomplished something
they wanna have the satisfaction
of accomplishing something
and Jessica um
she's no longer able to work
and so she's at home
and she definitely wants to feel like
she is contributing to the household
that she is pulling her weight in her marriage
she really appreciates everything that her husband does
and she doesn't want to you know
you know she worries
is he gonna start to feel a little resentful
if I'm not able to uh
do some things here to you know
maintain the home and certainly create a
an environment you know
nice environment for him
just like he does his things around the home
to help create a nice environment for her right
so it starts to build up some fear that
you know I'm not gonna be able to kind of
pull my weight in the household in this relationship
right and so
that drives people
to try to accomplish as much as they can
when they're feeling relatively well
so for Jessica she feels relatively well in the morning
and so she gets up
and the first thing that she does is
she makes a to do list right
like what what what do I need to do today right
so she starts to make that to do list
and then she starts to go down that list
she tries to get as much as she can done on that list
and many times she'll make that sort of calculation
right well
if we run the errands now
and we go to Walmart and we go to target
and we go to Costco
and I'm gonna be under all those lights and the crowds
and the noise and the commotion
I'm probably not gonna feel too well after that
so if we're really gonna run those errands
maybe we should do those first
to get those out of the way
and then I'll come home
and I'll focus on the laundry and
you know the dishwasher and maybe if I'm lucky
get that closet reorganized
you know that I've been trying to get reorganized
for the past six months right
so a lot of times
she'll go through that sort of calculus of okay
how much energy should I expend up front
and what do I need to conserve
and oh wait a minute
I forgot about you know
the kids have a soccer game that I really wanna go to
uh this afternoon
so I've got to be able to be able to function
so maybe we shouldn't go run those errands this morning
right maybe I shouldn't do too much around the house
right it's this daily analyzing
thinking planning
if this then that right
does anybody relate to this huh
so um
she will go through this typically every morning
and try to kind of plan things out as best she can
in anticipation of the things that she knows
that she really wants to get done
that are a really high priority for her
whether it's actual tasks
or maybe it's doing something
with her friends and family
and then just try to plan things out
and then the race against time starts right
so how quickly can I get these things done
and how quickly am I gonna start feeling bad right
so off she goes
so her husband has noticed that she does this
and he has started to say to her
honey
let me do that like you're
you're doing too much I can see how stressed you are
I can see you know
you're almost a little frantic here
like don't worry about that
you know I
I I don't care if the laundry sits on the couch
like don't worry about don't
you know don't feel like you have to do it for me
let me unload the dishwasher right
he started to kind of give her this feedback
that he's growing a little concerned
that she's doing too much right
he knows she's not feeling good
so he's like you know
rest right
like don't do so much he wants to reassure her
you know don't like
don't kill yourself for me
like I'm fine you know
just like rest a little bit
and he's telling her don't be so anxious right
he's trying to tell her look
it's not that big of a deal
I don't care if it gets done or not
you know just relax right
he might even use that term right
so he's picking up on that anxiety that she has
around getting this task list done
and he's in his comments right
he's trying to encourage her to behave differently
take a different course but we
that's actually feedback right
so we're getting outside feedback
feedback from someone that's not ourselves
that we seem kind of anxious
right and we seem like we're doing a lot and
you know doesn't seem like you feel that well
so maybe you should not do so much
we're getting that feedback
Jessica has not been acting on that feedback okay
and it's not because she doesn't value
the feedback that her husband is giving her
it's not because she feels great okay
she's white knuckling her way through every day
she's not acting on that feedback for a deeper reason
right so I don't know uh
Jessica that well yet
because we've just started working together
but if she's like most women that I've worked with
there could be several possible reasons why she's not
taking that feedback to
you know maybe
you know I suppose hey
you know just sit down like watch a TV show with me
don't worry about she's not taking them up on that
right she's like
no no no
I can't do that now right so um
if she's like most women there
there's gonna be some common
underlying reasons why she's not taking that feedback
one of those reasons might be
because
she wants to feel like she's actually accomplished
something during the day right
so you know
we've all experienced this
even if we aren't suffering uh
with daily pain right
it's like you know
those kind of lazy weekends
where you start the Saturday off
and you think oh
you know I'm just gonna take it a little easy
I'll catch up on a few shows
I've had a rough week I'm just gonna relax a little bit
and then before you know it
it's like 4 5 o'clock in the afternoon
the whole day's gone
you're still in your pajamas on the couch
you don't really feel that good about yourself right
it might have been relaxing
might have been good to watch those shows
but like it's like
well you know
I kind of like what did I do today
I didn't really accomplish much
we don't have that self satisfaction
of feeling like we accomplished something
so Jessica might be motivated by that
very legitimate reason
to feel like she's actually accomplished something
particularly in her situation
because she had to leave her job many years ago
because of the daily pain
she wasn't able to function at work anymore
and so she and her husband made the decision
that she would leave her job
so you know again
this is another reason why
she might want to really feel like no
you know I've actually done something today
I've accomplished something
I've contributed you know
I may not feel well and I may be in bed by three PM
but at least I did this today
and so it's a way of feeling a little bit better
about herself in the face of this horrible
chronic pain that she's struggling with
so that might be one reason why she's not taking
that advice from her husband
another reason again
I'm not saying this is the reason for her
but you know another plausible reason
would be something that we've talked about on
another podcast
some people were raised in an environment where
if you weren't always working and doing something
if you were just kind of sitting
reading a book or watching a TV show
you were called a name so typical name might be lazy
right or
you know um
you might be given a little bit of a guilt trip
if the child is watching TV
and the mother comes in and says oh
I have to do everything around here
you guys are always just lazing around right
it's a little bit of like a guilt trip that's
that's done right
there may be something here where
there's an underlying belief in the unconscious
that if I'm not doing something
then I'm I'm like a bad person right
so you know
a lazy a lazy person
we don't consider that like a good person right
it has a negative connotation right
so if I'm not always working or doing something
if I'm not contributing pulling my weight
if other people are working
so again kind of
if it's more of that guilt trip background
where people were given a lot of guilt trips
then if they see you know
oh well
my husband's doing this I better get up
I better do something right
because we don't wanna be called freeloader lazy right
it's like well
if they're working I gotta be working right
so that could be um
something there that's in the unconscious
that would drive someone to do what Jessica's doing
okay so those are two common examples
let me know in the comments if
if that resonates for you at all so um
what inevitably happens then
is that by the time the migraine really builds up
and now Jessica's bedridden OK like around three PM
she's done all of these tasks on the task list
and it's not I mean it's great to do them
and it contributes to some feeling of accomplishment
but let's face it
it's like unloading the dishwasher folding the laundry
vacuuming right
these are the things that I uh do at home too and
you know
they have to get done and we can feel good like
oh yeah I got the got the floors vacuum
this looks better in here and that might be nice right
but it's not like the greatest thing in the world right
so by the time she's in bed around three PM she
you know
she has the remorse of what did I do for myself today
did I do anything fun today
did I do anything that was you know um
maybe just even like a little tiny bucket list trip
you know bucket list item
I'm recording this right now
it's in October and this is such a nice uh
time of the year where maybe you have like
a little farm stand with the pumpkin display
and the straw hay bales and
you know the mums and you know
maybe you would just love to go to that little farm
stand and check out the
the plants and the pumpkins and
you know the little fall decor and stuff like that
maybe that would be a fun little thing to do
but can you do it no
because you spent the whole day
catching up on chores um
trying to move through this task list
and you know it's
we say to ourselves well
I can't go do that little outing
to check out the little pumpkin stand with the mums
until I do all of these chores right
and so by
so then it's like we're in bed and we say to ourselves
well what do I get to do for myself
what do I get to do that's fun
and so the day the life
really turns into just a rolling
drudgery of the task list
and again in this case
Jessica's husband kept saying to her hey
don't worry about that if you
you know let's
let's let's go do that thing right
are you feeling a little bit better today
like let's go do that thing
no right
she wasn't able to do that
likely for some of these underlying reasons right
because
is it going to be as satisfying to go to that little um
fall you know
a little fall market and then come home
and you still have all of these chores to do right
so this is the dilemma that a lot of women get into
and so then again her husband is telling her
you know don't worry about this
stop thinking about these things
then we have to ask the question
is the task list contributing to the migraines
this is something that a lot of chronic migraine
sufferers will actually ask
themselves and then they will ask me
do you think I'm doing too much
do you think I should not do this right
it starts to generate the question is this task list
is this contributing to my migraines
and it's a really really interesting question
because it hits to what I call the third principle
so if you've been following the podcast
I talk about the three things that we have to do
to restore our health so we stop getting migraines
and I call these things the three principles
and so the third principle is
restoring our resiliency and vitality
so that we can weather the inevitable stressors
that are going to tip us down into our migraine zone
so I like to think of
we have this needle pointing north
and when our needle is pointing north
we're in the green zone we're in a state of health
and our body is not generating symptoms
but that needle is
continuously getting pushed down towards west
by stressors
so we are continuously being bombarded by stressors
we try to bubble wrap ourselves cause we can feel as
as migraine suffers we can feel the stressors
in a way that other people can't really feel those
stressors
right'cause we know we we call these triggers right
but they're they're stressors
um so we try to bubble wrap ourselves right
okay don't
don't bring me into the Walmart with the bright lights
don't take me to the rock concert with the noise
don't have me get up too early
don't me don't let me sleep in too late right
we try to bubble wrap ourselves and
protect ourselves from all of these stressors
but as much as we try to do that
you can't do that right you you can't avoid stressors
I mean a photon of light hitting my retina
from the sunlight coming in
the windows here and my uh
lights that are illuminating me
while I'm making this video
those photons of light hitting my retina
are a physical stressor on my body
it may be a relatively small physical stressor
but not if I have a migraine
it doesn't feel relatively small right
it feels pretty agonizing and so um
those stressors push our needle down okay
and so we have sort of I like to think of this like a
like a compass dial almost
so like north is like we're in a state of health south
we won't talk about that that's like death OK
so we're we're somewhere in between OK
so everyone on this compass dial
has symptom patterns that they are prone to OK
so you and I you're listening to this
you're prone to migraines like I am
you and I have something in common
on the northwest side of our dial
we have a zone called migraine zone okay
and when our needle gets pushed by stressors
into our migraine zone we're gonna get a migraine
that's what's gonna happen
because those are the symptoms that we're prone to
other people have other symptoms
on their dial that they're prone to
and if they get tipped into that
that's what they're going to experience right
so
some people have like a heartburn zone on their dial
and so
if their needle gets tipped into their heartburn zone
they're going to experience heartburn
other people have a panic attack on their dial
and if their needle gets pushed in
to that panic attack zone
they're gonna have a panic attack
some people have symptom patterns
on their dial that don't generate a lot of symptoms
so like hypertension high blood pressure
a lot of people have that on their dial
they have a zone called high blood pressure
and if their needle falls into that zone
their blood pressure is gonna increase increase
but when you have high blood pressure
there aren't a lot of symptoms that you feel
that your body generates the symptom itself
that your body is generating
is the increased blood pressure
but it
but that symptom doesn't generate a physical sensation
until the blood pressure is really
really high okay
so somebody could have an elevated blood pressure of
you know one
50 over ninety and be totally oblivious to that
because that hypertension is not going to generate
a physical symptom within the body
so a lot of people they're walking
around with their needle pointing northwest
and they don't realize it because the symptom profile
the symptom pattern that's at that point on their dial
doesn't generate a lot of physical sensations okay
some of these symptom patterns will generate
mental and emotional symptoms
so a lot of people are walking
around with mental and emotional symptoms
but they don't realize their mental and
emotional symptoms
they think it might be their personality or they
you know were born this way or something like that
but it's actually a symptom right
so like irritability is a symptom in most cases
but a lot of people
they're highly irritable and they just say
well that's me right
they don't realize that that's actually a symptom
so a lot of people
a lot of Americans are walking around like this
and they don't really realize it okay
now if you have migraines
here on the northwest side of your dial
you know it hahaha
we know when we are tipped into that zone okay
so when the very first
a touch of our needle into the top of that zone
I call that the uh oh moment right
and this is where we're like
uh oh something's brewing uh oh
I'm I'm in the danger zone right
um you know
I gotta eject from this environment quick
or I could get a full blow migraine right
so um
our so
we are bombarded by stressors
all the time that are pushing our needle down
and then we're going to experience the symptoms
that are on that part of the dial
but it's our own resiliency and vitality
that pushes the needle back up
and this is very important for us to realize
and it's something that is missing
in the conventional understanding
of migraines even within the natural medicine community
women with weekly migraines
if you're having eight or more migraine days a month
I'll show you how to drop them to near zero in 90 days
without adding more medication
or I work with you until you do
my client Katie
is a 35 year old wife and mother of two
who was struggling with severe migraines
that affected every aspect of her life work
home and social she had tried it all
every drug and natural therapy out there
none of it helped and she was only getting worse
in the beginning she was skeptical
but she trusted and followed the 12 week plan
and got incredible results
she said she finally feels like her normal self again
after suffering with migraines for over a decade
she has never felt more alive
because she can finally be the mom
she always knew she could be
I have worked with women just like Katie
from all across the United States
overcome migraines naturally
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our needle is continuously getting pushed down
and pushed down and pushed down
it's our resiliency and vitality that pushes
the needle back up and keeps it in the green zone
in homeostasis in a state of health okay
now we can feel this too as migraine suffers
because there are some days
right where we go to the beach
we go to a noisy restaurant with friends
hmm we have some restaurant food that maybe
you know
was there a little MSG in here or something like that
or trigger food yeah
there there was
low and behold we don't get a migraine
our needle stays out of that migraine zone right
then we have another day
where we're barely in the sun for 10 minutes
and poof right
we are knocked down flat in bed
unable to function right
and so this is
what's so particularly insidious about migraines
because one day
you can be exposed to the same stressors
or what we would call triggers in the migraine world
so one day you can be exposed to the same stressors
the same triggers and not get a migraine
and another day boom
10 out of 10 migraine right
our resilience and vitality doesn't just stay the same
it's not fixed it's in continuous flux
so some days
we have more resilience and vitality than other days
this is the case for me
some days I have more resilience and vitality and
and I can feel it on those days
because I've developed an ability
to sort of tune in and kind of do a little check
what does it seem like my vitality is today right
so it's our resilience and vitality
that actually keeps us feeling good
in the face of all of these stressors
in the face of these triggers okay
so let's tie it back now to the task list
is my task list contributing to my migraines
anxiety is a symptom
but it is a symptom that is also vitality draining okay
so um some symptoms are unpleasant
we don't like them
we don't wanna have them but but if we have them
they're not draining our vitality
so like heartburn would be an example of a symptom
it's unpleasant it can be mild
moderate severe and if it's severe
it can be extremely unpleasant um
but it's not a symptom
that is also draining our vitality
but anxiety and anxiety is very common amongst us
women who are prone to migraines
I will uh talk about that in another podcast um
but those of us that are prone to migraines
we are much more likely
to be prone to anxiety as a symptom
than low mood okay
not to say that you can't have low mood with
with migraines but we are much more
likely to also have anxiety on that dial
than low mood or depression
anxiety is a symptom
but it is also a vitality draining symptom
and we can kind of feel that right
so when Jessica's getting up in the morning
doing the head check right okay
I just woke up what's the state
what are what's the state of things
is this gonna be a good day or a bad day right
okay it's not too bad
I'm gonna make my task list
and she starts making that list
and then she starts going through okay um
I got I wanna get all this done today
what else is a must do you know
do I have a social event that's a must do
what time is that how am I gonna juggle all of this
I need to have a little leftover by five PM right
that whole thing
and if the anxiety starts to ramp up right
so you could have that conversation with yourself
I mean in theory
you could have that conversation with yourself
and not have anxiety but honestly
I mean just the whole dynamic of I'm feeling well now
how long am I gonna feel good
when is the axe gonna fall
when am I gonna be bedridden
I don't wanna you know cancel plans
I don't wanna look uh flaky and have to cancel you like
it's pretty inherently anxiety provoking OK
as she's going through that
and the anxiety starts to
ramp up just over the planning process OK
then while she's doing the tasks
we have the anxiety of okay
you know
is this the thing that's gonna set me over the edge
um am I gonna be able to finish this
maybe I should do a couple things at once here
because I will have more of a shot
of actually finishing this list
if I multitask right
again I mean
in theory
you could do all of that without having anxiety
but you can even kind of feel the pressure
feel the anxiety this whole scenario here
first of all the task list itself and then the
the drive to get it done
is coming from a position of anxiety of
how am I gonna feel um
by the end of all of this right
so the whole thing is just like a big
big bundle of anxiety
and her husband is picking up on this right
so we're even getting like outside feedback
you know you're pretty anxious
you know try to
you know not put so much pressure on yourself right
you know our
our our husbands are not always wrong right
I mean sometimes they are
they are correct
and they're giving us valuable feedback
as a third party observer right
so her husband is like you know
trying to get her out of this more anxious state
and trying to get her into more of a calm state
unfortunately because anxiety is also vitality draining
in a way we are preventing that uh
you know we're draining our vitality
and so the stressors of let's face it
vacuuming is physically stressful
it may not be the most physically
stressful thing that somebody could do
it's not as physically stressful as running a Marathon
but there's some physical stress inherent to vacuuming
inherent to unloading the dishwasher
lugging the laundry around and folding it right
like all of those things on her task list
are going to generate a physical stressor on her body
physical stress on her body
there's no way around that
anytime we move
there's a little physical stressor that's generated
on our body on the needle
so um
we need to have enough resilience
and vitality to counter that
and if we're draining our vitality
in the midst of all of this right
it's going to be harder to keep that needle
out of our migraine zone okay
so this is not to say that your
task list is giving you migraines
it's a complex interplay between your vitality
as you start the task
the degree of stress that the task generates
and then
how much vitality can you rally to keep the needle up
with migraines we're always looking for the one thing
right what's the one thing I need to do
to not have this horrible stuff
but it's more complex than that
we are a very complex organism
and so it's never just one thing
it's the interplay of multiple
multiple things within a very complex system
and some days we reach that tipping point
and some days we don't in this case
like I say working with Jessica this week
and getting to know her a little bit better
I had sort of a
in intuition cause she was talking about um
somehow kind of her to do list came up right
it kind of came up in our conversation
in our appointment this week
um and so I wondered right is
is this um
is this a dynamic that she's struggling with
because I know how common it is
so we talked about it we started to talk about it
I gave her a suggestion and I said
you know when you wake up
and you start to think about the day and plan your day
let's limit the task list to three things
on the task list and I could hear the
I could hear the silence right
you know it's kind of like oh
three things right
because she's putting about 20 things on this list
she kind of chuckled
you want me to put just three things
and I said well
there's a few reasons for this
No. 1 I know
that you've been trying to get as much accomplished
as you possibly can
on those days where you feel relatively well
because you've been just white knuckling your way
through your life for many years now
and you've made the you know
not unreasonable decision
that if I'm gonna have head pain every day
I can't lay in bed every day I if if I do that
I'll lay in bed my entire life
and so I'm gonna make the decision that if I
if I can physically get out of bed
I'm gonna get out of bed
and I'm gonna do whatever I physically can do
so that at least I'm living my life
it may be living my life in pain
it may be living my life
and sort of hiding just how bad I feel from everybody
else but this is what I'm gonna do
because what alternative do I have
and so if I put 20 things on the task list
so be it I'll give it a shot right
but there's a couple things going on here number one
we're never gonna get through 20 things on the task
list even if we are
even if our needle was totally pointing north
and we were feeling fantastic
are we really gonna get through 20 things on a task
list especially when a lot of the things are like
I'm gonna redo the you know
I'm gonna reorganize the hall closet
and I'm gonna get those old photos out
and scrapbook them that have been sitting in a box for
two years right
I mean
like we're not gonna get all of that done in a day okay
so what's happening is
we're setting ourselves up for failure
she's never gonna get through those 20 tasks
and so when she finally
reaches a point where she's gotta go back into bed
around three PM she's only
you know
only had 5 things done on the task list then um
if there's an inherent feeling of failure
now Jessica is already
struggling with the feeling of failure
because she's in chronic pain
she's in pain all the time right
so
let's start to flip things and set her up for success
this is one of the fundamental principles in my work
I'm always trying to set my clients up for success
with any recommendation that I give them
if I recommend a change to their eating habits
I uh will get to know them well enough and get
get to understand sort of what their challenges are
what you know
if a woman has three kids at home under seven
the the ability for her to make changes
is going to be very different than if it's a retired
woman and a retired husband
and they're empty nesters right
so I always want to set my clients up for success
with anything that we're doing
and so I take that very seriously
and customize things
so that we're setting people up for success
and not setting them up for failure
because when you've had chronic migraines
that feeling of failure right
I couldn't go out to you know
I couldn't go out to dinner with my friends
we couldn't have a nice anniversary the vacation
I half the time on the cruise I was in the cabin right
we're already
well acquainted with those feelings of failure
we need to start setting ourselves up for success
so with just putting three items on the task list
this is something that's
reasonable for her to accomplish
in the relatively short period of time during the day
that she feels relatively well right
and I told her you know right now
we're not gonna put like
reorganizing the hall closet on the list
the hall closet has been messy for the past six months
it could wait a wait a little bit while longer okay
this is not like a must do item
so we're not gonna put unrealistic items on the list
we're just gonna put
three items on the list that are reasonable
and that's it so she she gave a big go okay
I'll you know I'll I'll give it a try right
and then I told her one of those items
has to be something that's actually gonna like
fill your cup and we brainstormed a few things
that would be enjoyable to her
because again by the time she is you know
back in bed at three PM and then she says well
what was I able to do for myself
my whole life is just you know
white knuckling through the must do's
and I never have anything left
that's fun that's for myself
that's something that that I enjoy right
and it's not that you know
you know she
she feels some satisfaction of being able to do things
for her family but you know
we also want to be able to do some things for ourselves
and so I told her one of those things on the task list
has to be something that fills your cup
and then
we brainstormed a few things that would be really
really enjoyable for her so she really likes to read
and she loves to go to the library
and she loves to you know
look at the you know
the little display of the new releases and
you know just kind of look at the books and
you know in
in the library
they always have that like cozy book nook
you know that like the cozy little um
uh
chairs and couches right in front of the picture window
overlooking like the library garden
and every time you go to the library
it's like oh
I would just love to like
come in here with like a little
you know pumpkin spice drink
and sit here at the little cozy Book Nook
but we never do that right
because we're always in a rush so um
we talked about that yeah
she's always want to do that
she would just love to go to library and just kind of
browse the stacks and maybe um
she said you know
the library has like tons of newspapers and magazines
and whenever my husband and I go there
we always say oh you know
we should stay and read a magazine but we never do
and I said well
maybe you wanna read some magazines in that little
cozy book nook they have there right
she's like yeah that would be really nice
so that could be one of the three items
that she puts on her task list
and this way we're actually like
making a priority for her to make herself a priority
okay now
she wasn't doing this before
because she was just white knuckling her way through
and um
she was uh you know
she she really didn't see any other way of operating
but now she's on a totally different path
she and I are working together to restore her health
and to stop her body from generating this head pain
and I'm very confident that
that's going to happen for her
it hasn't happened for her yet
but within the next month or two
I'm anticipating
that she's gonna have a noticeable improvement
in her head pain and she's gonna start to have
longer and longer periods of time during the day
where she feels better and better
and then she's gonna be able to do more things
so we wanna start
kind of signaling to the body that we're on a new path
that we are actually working towards the day
where she doesn't have to make the agonizing
decision of do I unload the dishwasher
and then do I still have enough time to go to the kids
soccer game right
we're working
towards the day where she can unload the dishwasher
fold the laundry go and go to the library
and read a magazine
and do something that fills her cup
so we want to start sending that signal now
and kind of get her out of like
the old way of viewing her day
and start setting her mind towards a new uh
future the future outcome
and this is where we come to another
the final very important point around this
so I told her this is gonna be very difficult for you
and I think she probably wasn't expecting that right
because it seems like very simple advice
this seems like advice
that maybe you could read in a magazine
or you could read on a blog about migraines
it's like well hey
you know if you have migraines
don't run yourself ragged
limit your tasks
instead of 20 things on your to do list
just make it three right
it seems kind of like maybe very obvious advice
but this is going to be very difficult for some people
to implement
and I don't know if it's gonna be hard or difficult
for Jessica to implement this
this week I can't wait to see um
but I suspect if she's
like most women
with daily head pain and chronic migraines
it's actually going
to be kind of hard for her to implement this
and this is because we're gonna go back to those
underlying unconscious beliefs
that may or may not be there
for Jessica again
I don't know
but this is something where I've given her sort of a
an assignment a little like homework task
and then
based on if she's able to implement that or not
that's gonna give me some additional information
so if she doesn't have anything
in her sort of unconscious right
if there isn't anything kind of like a like a little uh
uh little uh uh
I call it the 1950s football coach
a lot of us have the 1950s football coach
sitting on our shoulder continuously yelling at us
you haven't done enough you think this is good
this was stupid you did the wrong thing right
we kind of have this 1950s football coach barking
at us all the time so if she has
if she doesn't have that little football coach
on her shoulder and if she says
oh okay
great three things I can do that one of which I like
sure let's do it right
my husband will be thrilled
he's been telling me this for ages
if she doesn't have that 50s football coach
on her shoulder this will be very easy for her
but if she's like most women
and she's got that 1950s football coach
berating her in her ear
this is gonna be very difficult
because she's gonna put two tasks
you know she's gonna put laundry and dishwasher
and then she's gonna wanna start to write
magazines in the cozy book nook
and that 50s football coach is saying
you don't deserve to do that you
you think
just doing the laundry and doing the dishwasher
you think that that's good enough for you to read
magazines in a cozy book nook
you gotta be kidding me
and she's gonna have a hard time writing that down
just three things hmm well
if I got that 1950s football coach on my shoulder
just three things are you crazy
what a wasted opportunity what are you lazy right
everything your husband does
and you think you're just gonna do three things
ingrateful you know
every you know guilt trip right
so um
that 1950s football coach
that makes it difficult
for people to implement this type of recommendation
and so
what if she's able to implement the recommendation
fantastic right
she's going to save some resiliency and vitality
and that's gonna help her push that needle
further north OK
but if she can't implement that
now we've got some really valuable data right
this isn't a failure this is a fantastic insight
into something deeper that might be going on here
that now we can start to address
and this is why when you're
you know when you're reading blogs
when you're listening to podcasts
when you're reading books about migraines
a lot of the things that you are told to do are
you know something like this right
like you know
stress management take a deep breath
if you feel like you're getting anxious right
stop and take a deep breath right
like these types of things
well if it were that easy
then nobody would have any problems right
even stopping and taking a deep breath
for a lot of people
they can't do it because as soon as they
you know oh yeah
I'm getting stressed
let me try to take a deep breath here
let me try to just you know
stop for a minute
let me just try to take the pressure off myself
if they've got that 1950s football coach
sitting on their shoulder
yelling at them that you know
they need to keep going and who do they think they are
and you know
how lazy can somebody be
they're not gonna be able to do that
this type of thing happens a lot when you go to
like a natural medicine practitioner
the industry that I'm in right
I'm a naturopathic doctor
so I'm kind of under this big umbrella
of the natural medicine industry
so have you gone to another naturopathic doctor
a chiropractor functional medicine doctor
acupuncturist and you go in and you say
you know I got chronic migraines
I got daily head pain and here come the handouts right
oh well here's
here's my handout packet uh
take a deep breath if you're stressed
out don't try to do much
so don't try to do so much during the day right
here's a food list that you should eat from right
you just get those handouts and they say okay
go do the handouts right
how successful has that been
well it's going to be very successful
if you don't have that 1950s football coach
on your shoulder and some of those handouts
there's no 1950s football coach that gets activated
so it's like oh yeah
okay I can do this yeah
that was easy done boom right
okay great
I'm getting that benefit but then you got this hand out
uh oh huh
for the life of me this seems so simple
why can't I do it why can't I implement this
uh what's wrong with me
they gave me this handout
they give it to everybody
everybody else must be able to do this
but I can't do this
what's so wrong with me that I can't implement this
handout
those are the handouts that that 1950s football coach
starts getting activated on
and starts be you know
berating you and yelling at you for some reason
and prevents you from actually implementing
so this is a critical
critical piece of restoring your health
and stopping these migraines and headaches
we've got to identify where your 1950s football coaches
that's sabotaging you that's berating you
that's preventing you from implementing
the changes that you need to make
and they can be changes
like this and they can be even deeper
more profound changes
everybody I work with
there's some piece of the healing process
that activates that 1950s football coach
and makes it very
very hard for them to implement a recommendation
and so one of the common questions that I get from uh
people that reach out
and they're considering to work with me
they say well
how hard is this gonna be
is this gonna be hard and I'm like well
you're gonna find something hard
I can guarantee you because there's you know
there's gonna be some part of your healing process that
that 1950s football coach is gonna try to sabotage you
try to prevent you from implementing
but I don't know what that is
you don't know what that is yet either
if you knew you would have dealt with it already
so this is such a critical
critical piece to healing and you know
how many times have we sabotaged ourselves
how many times have we set out to do something not
not related to our health right
some other goal that we have maybe
you know some some aspiration that we have at work
and we're like okay
we're gonna go do this
and then something just doesn't click right
we sabotage ourselves
and we just can't put it into practice
how many people say
you know like the New Year's resolution right
I'm gonna get up at 5 in the morning
and I'm gonna ride
that peloton in the basement every morning right
and then somehow that gets sabotaged
that doesn't happen so we have to 1
understand that
there's going to be some things
that are going to be hard and um
they're going to vary person to person
and they are going to make things that might seem
kind of like
very obvious
no brainer things extraordinarily difficult
um and it's very helpful to have somebody like me
that can help guide you through understanding one
what is the football coach saying
what is he yelling in your ear
and how did he get there in the first place
cause we wanna get him off the shoulder okay
um and you're not gonna do that
unless you gain a deeper understanding into exactly
what is being said
and how did he get there in the first place
and um
so I can't wait to talk to Jessica next week
and see what happens because no matter what happens
it's going to be interesting and it's gonna be a really
really important piece to her feeling better
so
let me know in the comments if this resonated with you
and if you think you've got a 1950s football coach
on your shoulder let me know in the comments
and do you think that this has been something
that's prevented you from implementing health
supporting changes in the past
can't wait to hear from you and see you soon