132. The Mental and Emotional Patterns Keeping You in the Migraine Zone

In this episode, I talk about something I believe is one of the most important and most overlooked pieces of the migraine puzzle: what I call vitality draining mental and emotional dynamics.

These are the unconscious patterns so many women live inside of every day...

Perfectionism, over-giving, fixing, people-pleasing, walking on eggshells, constantly seeking validation. You know exactly what I'm talking about.

And they don’t just affect your emotions.

They create a real, ongoing drain on your body’s resilience.

I explain why you can be eating well, taking supplements, trying to manage your triggers, and still not getting the results you want if there’s a hole in the bottom of your vitality bucket.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re doing everything right and still not getting better, this episode may help you understand why.

If you’re ready to address the root drivers of your migraines, you can book a free consultation at the link below:

https://www.drlesliecisar.com/apply

Free Training: 5 Proven Steps to Being Migraine Free (Even if you think you've already tried everything.)

https://www.drlesliecisar.com/5SHMN

Connect with us:

Website: https://www.drlesliecisar.com/

Free Facebook Group: Healing Migraines Naturally, with Leslie Cisar, ND

Ready to try something radically different that actually works? Read more about my approach here: https://www.drlesliecisar.com/map

In health,
Dr. Leslie Cisar

Episode Transcript

hi everyone
welcome to the Healing Migraines Naturally podcast
I'm your host Doctor Leslie Caesar
and I'm a licensed naturopathic physician
former chronic migraine sufferer
and I've dedicated my life to helping other women
with migraines we discover a migraine free life
so welcome back to the podcast everyone
so I want to talk about something that I call vitality
draining mental and emotional dynamics
and I want to make an argument
because
if you've been listening to this podcast for a while
you know I like to make an argument
that this may be one of the most
important and most overlooked
pieces of the migraine puzzle
so I want to start off with a story
so before I became a naturopathic doctor
I had a whole another career
I worked in corporate training and development
I actually have a masters in training and development
so I spent years working for large companies
on big training and development projects workshops
curriculum design stakeholder engagement
the whole thing
and in that career I became close friends with a woman
I'll call my coworker
she was one of the most
talented instructional designers
I have ever worked with and I don't say that casually
I've worked with a lot of great people in that field
she was particularly creative
she was grounded in the science of adult education
she could design
a program facilitate a meeting
manage stakeholders and I mean she did it effortlessly
and I mean everybody knew it
she was consistently recognized for her work
and she deserved every bit of it
and you know
as we started to get closer in the way that you do
you know become close with co workers
she started confiding in me
and I started to hear something over and over again
so like
she facilitated an important stakeholder meeting
you know I was in the room too
and afterwards she told me
you know
our boss didn't say anything about the job that I did
not one word you know
I worked so hard to put that together
and you know
can you believe
our boss never said anything to me about it
just you know
like a little you know
pat on the back
so she was shocked because our manager was someone who
like really went out of his way to recognize people
but this time nothing
so then you know
a little while later
another you know
big project right
so she worked you know
60 hour weeks for four weeks straight
late nights weekends
you know missed date nights with her husband right
I mean she worked more than anybody else on the team
way more than I would have
and afterwards right
this is what I heard you know
no one appreciated all of the work that I put into that
no one said thank you
and then you know
she told me about Thanksgiving
she had worked so hard to prepare
you know beautiful
meal for her family you know
bringing over you know
not just the bare minimum to the potluck right
I'll I'll just bring the rolls right
oh no she was you know making multiple dishes
not one person told her the food was good
you know
nobody thanked her for for bringing the food over
so
you know now hi there
I wanna jump in real quick and tell you about my client
Beth she was getting 15 to 20 migraines and headaches
per month and as you can imagine
this was impacting her work performance
and her confidence she also has two small children
and she was
starting to feel like she was a horrible mom
because she had nothing left for them
at the end of the day but she reached out
and she booked a free consult call with me
and after I asked her about her migraines
and her health history
I felt confident that I could help her
I help women
uncover the root drivers of their migraines
and follow a step by step plan to dramatically reduce
the frequency by up to 90%
without adding more medication
or taking a bunch of supplements
so we built her personal migraine map followed the plan
and now she will get one to two migraines per year
which she uses ibuprofen to treat if she needs to
verses up to 15 to 20 per month
when we first started working together
that weren't responding well to any medication
she just reached out to tell me that
she got a promotion at work
she's on top of her career again
and has been able to come off all of her migraine
medication but most importantly
she's a confident mom again
and she's attending birthday parties at Jump Zone
with her kids and saying yes
instead of saying maybe later
I've worked with women like Beth
from all over the United States
who were told this is the best we can do
but they were still willing to dig deeper
so if you're serious about changing your migraine story
go to Doctor Leslie Caesar dot com slash apply
or tap the link in the show notes
and on our free consult
we'll map out why your migraines keep coming back
and the first three steps you can take
over the next 30 days
I do cap new client spots each month
so if the calendar is full
the doors are closed for now
but if you're done feeling helpless
and ready to do the work to heal
pause this episode for 30 seconds
and book that console call now
I mean I wanna be clear
like I I believed her I mean
I was her friend
and I only had her account of these things
but I believed her I had no reason not to
and the more that I heard
the more that I started to get riled up on her behalf
you know I'm like starting to get indignant like
you know what's wrong with these people
she's got all these people like our
what's what's wrong with our boss right
like he's recognizing everybody else
he can't say anything to her
you know what's wrong with her family
like nobody in her family can even say a thank you
you know like is that so hard to just say a thank you
but also you know this is the other part of this
that got to be so painful
when she would tell me these stories
I mean she wasn't like she wasn't sad
she was angry like very very angry very indignant
and she would say things like
you know
what if if these people aren't gonna appreciate me
then I'm not gonna work so hard you know
if this company doesn't care
then I don't care about this company
you know I'm done going above and beyond
for people who can't even say thank you
and I would be like yeah
you know good for you you know
like for sure
I couldn't agree with you more like boundaries
work life balance you know
this is just a big corporation
we're just a cog in the wheel at the end of the day
I was like
you know you you go stand up for yourself right
except the next project would come and we're back to
you know 60 hour weeks every time
so now we come to the end of the year holiday luncheon
right we've got the whole department
the leadership we're in a real nice like
you know
fancy fancy restaurant
catered lunch we've got the annual
you know recognition uh
speeches and you know
awards that are given out to the team
and what do you know
my friend got every accolade she deserved
the leadership spoke about her at length
because she was fantastic
she was the star she was great
people are clapping right
I was so relieved I was so happy for her finally
finally right
she's being recognized you know
oh I was just thrilled
so
we leave the luncheon and she turns to me and she says
I can't believe the VP
didn't mention the work I did on that one project
and that was the moment that I understood something
and I wanna be very careful here because like
I'm not diagnosing my friend
I don't know what was going on inside of her
I cannot read her mind and I would never presume to
and I have nothing but compassion for her
because what I was watching was someone who was
genuinely suffering
and here's what made it so painful
and so confusing for her
as far as she could tell
she was just very very unlucky
she was for some reason that she could not explain
the one person on our team
the one person in her family
the one person in her life who never got recognized
no matter what she did
that was her experience of it
so it's not like she was going around saying
you know I've got this like unconscious wound or
you know I've got this unconscious trauma
that makes me scan for evidence at work
and within my family and within my friendships
makes me scan for evidence of not being appreciated
that's not what
she was living right
what she was living is
why does this keep happening to me
and why am I always the one that nobody sees
and that's what unconscious means
the the wound doesn't announce itself right
it doesn't say
I'm going to distort your perception of reality
it just shows up as reality
as bad luck as a pattern that keeps happening
through no fault of her own
that she cannot explain
and the anger
the the threats to stop caring
to stop working so hard that wasn't her like giving up
that was her fighting back
that was someone who cared so much
that she couldn't stop
raging against the fact that she couldn't stop
she didn't want to work 70 hour weeks
for people that didn't appreciate her
she genuinely didn't want to
and she genuinely couldn't help it
because whatever was inside of her needed something
that the work was trying and failing to provide
that is an example of a hole in the vitality bucket
and it doesn't care how many times you swear
you're done caring
and again I wanna be really clear about something here
because I don't want this to be misunderstood
I'm not saying don't work 60 hour weeks
I'm not saying
don't give everything you've got to something
look I'll
I'll be honest with you
I put in a lot of time to make this podcast for you
guys a lot of Saturdays
a lot of extra hours
a lot of hours that you know
maybe some people would say
I shouldn't spare or I shouldn't dedicate to it
and I don't have one minute of resentment doing it
because I love doing this
the work is its own reward
I I wouldn't put it down if I tried
and that's the difference
if my coworker if my friend had come to me and said
Leslie I just put in four 60 hour weeks on this project
and I couldn't have felt more alive
the work was so good I just loved it
I couldn't have stopped the
the work was so good I loved it
it was so rewarding you know
I got so much out of it
I would have said great
good for you it's not a problem
that's not draining anything
but that's not what she said
she was angry she was ranting
she was raving she was hurt
she was furious
why am I putting all of this time into a company
that won't even acknowledge me
that resentment
that's the tell that's the body keeping the score
the tab every hour she put in
feeling like
that was a withdrawal from the vitality bucket
not a deposit
the work was not filling her up
it was emptying her out
because she wasn't doing it because she loved it
she was doing it because inside her
needed something back
that's the whole
so this is not a biochemistry problem
that happens to have emotional symptoms
this is a human problem
that shows up in the biochemistry
and to understand why really understand why
I want to give you a framework
that I use with all of my clients
and I call it the compass needle
so imagine a like a compass needle that we like
we have a little internal compass needle inside of us
so when that needle is pointing north
we're in a state of health
our body is functioning properly
it's in a state of homeostasis health
we're in the green zone right
things are functioning
the way that they're designed to function
our body is not generating symptoms
that's what north is that's where we wanna
that's where we wanna live
but that needle is getting pushed down constantly
physical stressors push it down towards west
so like a bad flu a bronchitis
a car accident a surgery
those are major physical stressors
the barometric pressure dropping
the August sun a meal you skipped
a night you didn't sleep
those are also physical stressors
that are pushing that compass needle down towards west
so every sensory input everything your body has
to process is pushing that needle down
and then there are you know
mental and emotional stressors
things that we call stress
work conflicts relationship conflicts
grief worry
those are pushing the needle down too
when the needle drops down far enough
sort of towards that northwest side of the dial
it enters what I call the symptom zone
and that's when the body starts generating symptoms
now what symptoms
that depends on your genetics
your individual predisposition
for you and me when our needle drops
into that northwest side of the dial
that drops into our migraine zone
so for someone else it might be
you know allergies or heartburn
or pre diabetes
or an autoimmune condition or joint pain
for you and me that's migraines
so what determines
whether that needle bounces back up to north
or stays down in the symptom zone or our migraine zone
it's your or our resilience and vitality
so this is the third principle that I talk about
I talk about the three principles
the three things
that your body needs to restore itself back to health
and maintain its state of health
so this aspect is what I call the third principle
again when our needle is in the green zone
we feel good and our body doesn't generate symptoms or
if you will in a state of health
but that needle is
continuously getting pushed down towards west
by stressors
it's our own resiliency and vitality that counters that
and pushes the needle back up to north
if it can't do that then the needle stays
pointing northwest and then we have symptoms
so I like to think of this like
we have like a vitality bucket inside of us okay
so the fuller the bucket the more vitality
the more power you have to push the needle back up
when life knocks it down
the lower the bucket the emptier the bucket
the lower your resiliency and vitality right
your needle is going to get pushed down by stressors
and then
you're gonna have a hard time pushing it back up
and then you're gonna go into your symptom zone
your migraine zone you're gonna get a migraine
and so here's what I want you to understand
there are things draining that vitality bucket
that you may not even know about
so holes in the bottom of that bucket
that you've been aware of your whole life potentially
and that's where my coworker's story becomes
not just a sad story about a woman I used to work with
but possibly your story too
before I tell you about what those holes are
I wanna talk about why you haven't been able to fix
this even if you've been doing everything right
because you might be someone who does a lot of things
right you might get sunlight in the morning
you might do red light therapy
maybe you've tried acupuncture
homeopathy magnesium
coq10 you watch what you eat
you sleep eight hours
you have a whole stack of healthy habits
and you follow them
and all of that genuinely adds to our vitality bucket
we can add to the vitality bucket with our health
supporting habits or actions
so you know
getting sunlight adds vitality to the bucket
red light
because that's a like red light therapy is like a
using a technology now that
mimics the spectrum of sunlight
but that will add to the vitality bucket acupuncture
homeopathy you know
being mindful of our stress
those add vitality to the bucket as well
but if there's a hole in the bottom of the bucket
you're never going to fill that bucket up
you're trying to pour things into the top
as fast as you can
and it's just running right out of the bottom
that's why you're not getting anywhere
so you know
we particularly as migraine sufferers
we can really feel this
we can really feel this phenomenon
um we can kind of feel like yeah
you know
I'm just right on the verge of getting a migraine
I call that the uh oh moment right
when the needle
first starts to go into our migraine zone
and we go uh oh
I feel something right
that's the that's what I call the uh oh moment
so when we're prone to migraines
we're prone to a condition
where you can really kind of
get a feel for where your needle is
unlike other conditions that don't
generate such obvious symptoms
you know a lot of migraine suffers
they'll start to realize
you know I'm kind of getting drained here
and I want to slow the drain right
I want to try not to be drained so quickly
and this is what the advice is given
when we're talking about things like spoon theory
you know raising your threshold
you know a lot of the
what's becoming more and more mainstream
way of talking about this phenomenon
that migraine suffers are particularly um attuned to
so you try to slow the the drain right
so you know
maybe you're meditating you're doing deep breathing
you know heart rate variability training
brain retraining programs
they these things
you know
they're real and they can have a positive effect
but they're trying to slow down the stress response
they're trying to bring down the cortisol
and like I say they can help
but here's the problem those tools operate at the level
of the nervous system response
so they're downstream they're trying to manage what's
coming out of the drain hole
they they're not touching the hole itself
because the hole is not in the nervous system
it's in the pattern it's in the dynamic
it's in the thing that's been running below the surface
below conscious awareness and like I say
maybe your whole life
hi there
I wanna jump in real quick and tell you about my client
Beth she was getting 15 to 20 migraines
and headaches per month and as you can imagine
this was impacting her work performance
and her confidence she also has two small children
and she was
starting to feel like she was a horrible mom
because she had nothing left for them
at the end of the day but she reached out
and she booked a free consult call with me
and after I asked her about her migraines
and her health history
I felt confident that I could help her
I help women uncover
the root drivers of their migraines
and follow a step by step plan to dramatically reduce
the frequency by up to 90%
without adding more medication
or taking a bunch of supplements
so we built her personal migraine map
followed the plan
and now she will get one to two migraines per year
which she uses ibuprofen to treat if she needs to
verses up to 15 to 20 per month
when we first started working together
that weren't responding well to any medication
she just reached out to tell me that
she got a promotion at work
she's on top of her career again
and has been able to come off
all of her migraine medication
but most importantly she's a confident mom again
and she's attending birthday parties at Jump Zone
with her kids and saying yes
instead of saying maybe later
I've worked with women like Beth
from all over the United States
who were told this is the best we can do
but they were still willing to dig deeper
so
if you are serious about changing your migraine story
go to Doctor Leslie Caesar dot com slash apply
or tap the link in the show notes
and on our free consult
we'll map out why your migraines keep coming back
and the first three steps you can take
over the next 30 days
I do cap new client spots each month
so if the calendar is full
the doors are closed for now
but if you're done feeling helpless
and ready to do the work to heal
pause this episode for 30 seconds
and book that console call now
and this is why people say
you know I
I do everything right I mean
especially migraine suffers right
I do everything right I eat clean
I'm diligent with my sleep
I meditate I manage my stress
and I still get migraines
yes because the bucket has a hole in it
and until you find the hole and you patch it up
you will be pouring things into the top indefinitely
and wondering why the bucket never fills up
so so what are the holes okay
because my coworker's dynamic is one example of one
specific type of hole
and I don't want you to hear that story and think well
I'm not like that I don't have that particular issue
this isn't about me just stay with me here
because in nine years of working exclusively with women
with migraines I
have found that there are recurring patterns
these dynamics show up again and again in my clients
and also in me I'm not an exception to this
so let me walk you through them
I want you to really listen to this
and I want you to notice if anything lands for you
so the first I'd call the conscientiousness cluster
you know we we don't we don't call it perfectionism
we like to say oh well
you know if something's worth doing
it's worth doing right right
we it's not perfectionism
I just like to do it properly so this could look like
you know redoing other people's work
because we can't leave it the way they did it
you know we can't leave the dishes in the sink
even though we're exhausted
we notice what's wrong in a room
before we notice what's right in a room
we struggle to delegate because nobody
else is gonna do it to the right standard
so I might as well just do it myself
and when something is left unfinished
there's actual physical discomfort
that won't leave us alone
does any of that land for you
so the second cluster
this is what I call the fixer and the mediator
we feel tension in a room before anyone else does
so we jump in
we smooth things over before a conflict erupts
we apologize when we are not wrong
just to deescalate just to bring the temperature down
you know okay
I'll take the hit let me just keep everything nice
we take on the emotional labor of keeping the peace
in relationships and family
at work
we feel responsible for other people's moods
we can't fully relax at a family gathering
if someone in the room is unhappy
we are the one everyone calls when something goes wrong
any of that hit for you
the third cluster this is the over giver
the overdoer
so we work harder than anyone else in the room
we say yes when we mean no
we give more than we have and then we collapse
we anticipate other people's needs before they ask
we feel guilty resting
when there is still something that needs doing
we measure our worth by what we produce
any of that hit for you
the fourth cluster
and this is what I saw in my coworker
the validation loop
we work twice as hard hoping someone will notice
we track whether our effort was acknowledged
a genuine thank you lands
but boy does it fade fast
the next project starts
and the cycle begins all over again
and we feel deflated when our contribution is taken
for granted a brief thank you feels insincere
any of that land for you
and then the fifth sort of cluster
I call this the walking on eggshells cluster
so this is where we rehearse conversations
before we have them
or we might think through how someone might react
and adjust what we're going to say
before we even open our mouths
we're monitoring the emotional temperature
of everyone around us constantly
and we find it hard to relax around certain people
we feel relief when a tense situation passes
and then immediately starts scanning for the next one
so does that does any of those hit for you
so just look at all of that
just feel all of that
the vigilance alone is exhausting
and it doesn't turn off at 5:00
this runs all day every day at work
at home at the Thanksgiving dinner
and I wanna be really direct
because I don't want you to miss this
these are not just dynamics that happen to drain
your vitality bucket
these dynamics are the holes in your vitality bucket
not a metaphor not a loose connection
each one of these patterns
the conscientiousness that won't let you rest
the fixer who can't leave other people's emotions alone
the overdoer who says yes when she means no
the validation loop that keeps the tab open
the eggshell walker
who is always scanning for the next threat
each one is a continuous
low grade drain built into the bottom of the bucket
not running because of a bad week
running because it's running
because it's been how you've operated
probably for most of your life
and you probably just think it's your personality
you probably just think well
you know
I was wired this way and this is why the bucket stays
empty while you do everything right
this is the answer to I eat clean
I sleep 8 hours I meditate
I take my supplements I still get migraines
the things you are doing are real
they do have some ability to fill the bucket
but the drain outpaces them
because the drain never stops flowing
the hole is open 24 hours a day
meditation doesn't reach it
deep breathing doesn't reach it
brain retraining doesn't reach it
not because those are bad tools
they're not
but because they're working on the stress response
and the stress response is downstream of the hole
the hole is the pattern the hole is the dynamic
and it will keep running until it's seen
and this is what this work is actually about
and so I wanna say something directly to anyone
who just heard themselves in that list
who heard one of those descriptions
and felt their stomach drop a little
oh right
that's me that is exactly me
and I've never connected it to my migraines
I hear you and I want you to know
you're not weak for having these patterns
you're not broken you've been carrying something
probably for a long time
that nobody ever helped you name
and the fact that it's been draining your vitality
bucket draining your resiliency
making your needle hard to push back to north
that's not your fault
it's just something that nobody told you to look at
you're not going to get this
on a functional medicine lab
test or supplement protocol
and I'm still working on this myself
I still catch myself slipping
these patterns don't disappear overnight
but they do change
and that matters more than I can tell you
now before I go any further
I know what some of you are thinking
alright Doctor Leslie
so what you're saying is I need to stop caring
stop helping stop being conscientious
turn into someone who couldn't give a damn about anyone
no that's not what I'm saying
not even close
health is a state of balance
there's a difference between being helpful
and draining yourself at 3:00 in the morning
wondering if you were helpful enough
there's a difference between caring about your work
and running 60 hour weeks
trying to solve a problem
that the work will never solve
there's a difference between being a good mediator
and feeling personally
responsible for everyone else's emotional state
caring is not the problem
the compulsiveness of it is
and the compulsiveness has a source
and the source can be found
and when it's found
the needle gets to stay north a little bit longer
now
let me talk about what all of this actually costs you
biochemically
because I know this is what you want to understand
and so you know
again your mind might be going to okay
Doctor Leslie stress causes cortisol
cortisol adds to the toxin bucket
the bucket tips over I got a migraine
I know you've already talked about this
and all of that biochemistry is true
but I want to say something in defense
of cortisol today
because cortisol gets a terrible reputation
and I think that that is wrong
so cortisol is not the enemy
cortisol is what gets you through
it's what allows you to function under stress
to stay sharp in a difficult meeting
to push through a late night
and to get up and do it all over again the next day
without cortisol
you'd fall apart the moment things got hard
cortisol is the body being loyal to you
now if you had asked my coworker
where her stress was coming from
she would have said the deadline
the project the 60 hour week
that's that's what's stressful
of course I'm making cortisol
and she would have been completely sincere
because that's what it looked like from the inside
but that's not correct
the deadline didn't make her work 70 hours
plenty of people on the team had the same deadline
and went home at five PM what made her work 70 hours
is that something inside of her needed to
a hole
that was screaming for recognition and validation
that could never be filled
that was the source of the stress
the deadline was just the vehicle
the cortisol was not serving the project
it was serving the whole
it's what kept her up until 2:00am working
it's what got her back to her desk on Saturday morning
loyal all the way to the end
to something that was never going to be satisfied
the problem is not that she was making cortisol
the problem is that the thing calling for the cortisol
never resolved so the cortisol never stopped
it just kept running on a treadmill with no off switch
because the underlying wound kept requiring it
and that is why you cannot
supplement your way out of this
you've probably seen products marketed for cortisol
support ashwagandha phosphatidylserine
there are supplements
specifically designed to suppress cortisol production
and maybe they do bring the numbers down a little bit
but the thing that needed the cortisol is still there
still running still generating the demand
you haven't touched it
you just muted the response to the wound
and that is the same structural error
that taking a Tryptin for a migraine is
you've suppressed the signal
but the source is completely untouched
no amount of deep breathing fixes this either
no mantra no one saying to you
you know just let it go
it's just a job why do you care so much
in my friend's conscious mind
she probably would have agreed
of course of course
I shouldn't care so much
and then the next deadline would arrive
and she'd be back to 70 hour weeks
because the conscious mind is not where this lives
you cannot breathe your way out of a wound
you cannot see you cannot supplement it down
you cannot meditate it away
and you cannot work hard enough to fill it
now here's something I need to address directly
because someone is listening that is going to say okay
but what if I really am in an environment
where I'm not being recognized
what if the politics at work are genuinely unfair
and the recognition really isn't coming
that's not in my head that's real
listen haha
I totally hear you I've been in exactly that situation
I've been in corporate environments where
because of the politics in the department
it didn't matter what I produced
I was not going to be seen or recognized
in fact I was going to be punished
and I'm not just talking about being overlooked
like I'm talking about actively sabotaged
I've done good work and had it buried
because of a political battle between my VP
and another VP that had nothing to do with me
I found out years later
a former coworker came to me and said
I've always felt bad about this
but you know
my VP hated your VP and you got caught in the middle
so that happens I no
it happens because it happened to me
so you know
maybe my coworker was right
maybe she really was the unlucky one
maybe the recognition genuinely wasn't there
here is what I found it doesn't matter
and I mean that clinically
not dismissively
because here's what I've observed
put two people in the exact same unfair
political recognition starved environment
one of them has this whole and that environment
it destroys her she works herself into the ground
she gets angry resentful
maybe vindictive
maybe she does things later that she regrets
because she was fighting so hard
for something that she cannot get
and not stop needing
the cortisol is running constantly
the vitality bucket is draining
the needle stays down
the other person
no no hole
looks at the same situation and thinks
oh ha ha I see what's going on here
this isn't fair it's not pleasant and it's not about me
that person she's not thrilled
but it doesn't reach her the same way
it doesn't have anywhere to land
her needle bounces back
the whole is the variable
not the manager not the politics
not whether the recognition was real or not
the whole is what determines
what the external world costs you
so now
I'm gonna tell you what I hear from nearly
every client when we start getting into this territory
hi there
I wanna jump in real quick and tell you about my client
Beth she was getting 15 to 20 migraines and headaches
per month and as you can imagine
this was impacting her work performance
and her confidence she also has two small children
and she was
starting to feel like she was a horrible mom
because she had nothing left for them
at the end of the day
but she reached out and she booked a free consult
call with me and after I asked her about her migraines
and her health history
I felt confident that I could help her
I help women uncover
the root drivers of their migraines
and follow a step by step plan to dramatically reduce
the frequency by up to 90%
without adding more medication
or taking a bunch of supplements
so we built her personal migraine map
followed the plan
and now she will get one to two migraines per year
which she uses ibuprofen to treat if she needs to
verses up to 15 to 20 per month
when we first started working together
that weren't responding well to any medication
she just reached out to tell me that
she got a promotion at work
she's on top of her career again
and has been able to come off all of her migraine
medication but most importantly
she's a confident mom again
and she's attending birthday parties at Jump Zone
with her kids and saying yes
instead of saying maybe later
I've worked with women like Beth
from all over the United States
who were told this is the best we can do
but they were still willing to dig deeper
so
if you are serious about changing your migraine story
go to Doctor Leslie Caesar dot com slash apply
or tap the link in the show notes
and on our free consult
we'll map out why your migraines keep coming back
and the first three steps you can take
over the next 30 days
I do cap new client spots each month
so if the calendar is full
the doors are closed for now
but if you're done feeling helpless
and ready to do the work to heal
pause this episode for 30 seconds
and book that console call now
okay Doctor Leslie
this all makes sense
what are the three things I need to do
to fix this problem
and I'm gonna disappoint you
because there are no three
steps that I can lay out to you
not because this isn't real clinical work
it absolutely is
but because this is the most individual part of healing
what I call the first and second principles
first principle
is getting the nutrients that our cells need
to our cells
the second principle is clearing metabolic waste
material from those cells
and from the body
those first two principles are essentially
meeting the baseline biological needs of the body
meeting the baseline biochemical needs of the body
the body has requirements and we met them
that part I can map it I can measure it
I can address it systematically
and I want to say this plainly
if you work on just the first and second principles
and you never touch the third
you'll improve
you will probably improve pretty significantly
the toxin bucket will drain better
the nutrients will get where they need to go
the migraines may become less frequent
less severe they probably will
and then you're gonna plateau
because the hole is still there
the drain is still open
the bucket is filling better than it was
but it's emptying faster than it should
you can do everything right at the biochemistry level
and still not get where you wanna go
because this piece is still untouched
this is the piece that most approaches miss entirely
because like I say there's no lab test for this
there's no supplement protocol for this
there's no food list for this
and it is in my clinical experience
the difference between someone who goes from
20 migraines a month to ten
and someone who goes from 20 migraines a month to one
or two a year
this is something else
when I work within the first and second principles
I'm working with the biochemistry
when I work within the third principle
I'm working with a human being and no two human beings
got their hole from the same place
or carry it in the same way
or need the same thing to start patching it up
this is dipping into the mystery of being a person
and I would be doing you a disservice
if I handed you a checklist
what I can tell you is what it actually looks like
and for that let me tell you about Laura
when I started working with Laura
she was having about 20 migraines a month okay 20
that's pretty rough
she had a sense that work stress was involved
but you know let's face it
when you're having 20 migraines a month
you really can't pick up patterns
there's way too much static in the signal
everything is noise so
when we started working together
and her biochemistry started coming around
the toxin bucket started getting drained
the first and second principles were being addressed
she got down to a lower level migraine
about every week to 10 days
so significant improvement
and then
she had a particular stakeholder meeting at work
and she got a bad migraine
now
there was a signal
there was something that we could look at
because what emerged and I don't
I honestly don't remember exactly how we got there
because this is how this work goes you follow a thread
but what we got to is that
it wasn't all stakeholder meetings
it was this particular stakeholder meeting
a quarterly meeting with older male leadership
and Laura was able to connect something
she had a mentor early in her career
an older man that she respected enormously
someone she had sort of put up on a pedestal
and she didn't want to disappoint him
and when she sat across from the men
in that quarterly meeting
something in her nervous system was treating them
like him
she traced that fear of disappointing
back to her childhood and she connected some dots
and here's what didn't happen
she did not resolve every wound from her childhood
in one phone call right
we didn't address you know
every single thing
but we addressed this particular aspect
because it appeared to be tied to her migraines
what happened is that she saw it
she connected the dots
and she brought something unconscious into the light
so the next time
that same stakeholder meeting came around
she did not get a migraine
so that's what this work looks like
pattern recognition leading to conscious awareness
and sometimes sometimes that is enough
the thing that loses its grip once you can see it
sometimes deeper work is needed
but seeing it is where it starts
now I want to say one more thing before I close
because I know some of you are listening to this
thinking okay
but my migraines aren't stress migraines
mine are hormonal mine are weather
mine are from missing a meal or too much sun
or a bad night of sleep this doesn't apply to me
and I want to push back on that
I have a client right now
who has some very profound holes in her vitality bucket
some really difficult dynamics in her marriage
that have been draining her for a long time
and we've been doing this deep work on this together
and what she's starting to notice
what she came to me and told me recently
is that she's weathering physical stressors
better than she used to running errands
doing yard work household chores
watching her granddaughter
these are the types of physical exertion that
for someone with chronic migraines
can be enough to push the needle into the migraine zone
and she used to get migraines after doing those things
and now she doesn't or at least right now
not as often not as severe
not because she changed her diet
not because she found the right supplement
because one of the holes in her vitality bucket
is starting to get patched
and when that bucket holds more
when the drain slows the needle has more to work with
it bounces back from a day of errands
it bounces back from yard work
the physical stressors that used to knock her flat
are not hitting the same way anymore
because here's what the compass needle means for you
when your needle is pointing north
when your vitality bucket is full
your body can weather stressors
all of them physical ones
the barometric pressure dropping
the August sun a meal missed
the hormonal shift before your period
these things push the needle down
but when you have real resiliency and vitality
your needle bounces back you go to the beach
you get too much sun you come home fine
you miss lunch you eat when you can
no migraine
you get caught in a storm and you get soaked
it was just a storm
so this mental and emotional work does not just address
so called stress migraines
it fills the vitality bucket
it raises your floor and a full vitality bucket
is what allows you to live like a
normal person not someone wrapped in bubble wrap
not someone who has to control every variable
not someone who can't commit to plans
because she never knows
which day her body is going to take her out
if you have holes in your vitality bucket
draining your resilience faster than you can build it
it doesn't matter
how carefully you manage your triggers
the bucket stays low
the needle stays close to your migraine zone
and any little thing the sun
the storm the missed meal
the hard meeting
tips it over and you get a migraine
so this is not about stress
this is about your capacity
to be a human being in the world
so here's what I want to leave you with
I'm not telling you that you have the same dynamic
my coworker had
I'm not telling you that you have the same pattern
Laura had
this is the most individual part of healing
I really mean that
what I'm asking you is this
do you have a hole in your vitality bucket
somewhere in that list that I walked through
the conscientious one the fixer
the go over giver
the one who needs the effort to be seen
the one who's always on alert
did something land if it did
that is worth paying attention to
because it's not your fault
you're not broken these patterns developed for a reason
they got you through something
they may have been the thing that kept you sane
in an environment that wasn't
but if you're no longer in that environment
and the pattern is still running
there's a mismatch and that mismatch is draining you
it's not about letting it go
that's not the work
the work is understanding why it's there
and when you understand that
things start to change
the needle gets to stay north a little bit longer
and a little bit more often
the vitality bucket stops draining
and the sun and the storm and the missed meal
they stop being things you have to hide from
every client of mine
who has been willing to go on that journey
has found it worth it
and not just because their migraines improved
but because they understood themselves better
because they healed
from things that needed to be healed physically
mentally emotionally that's what's possible
if you're living with chronic migraines
and you're ready to understand
what's actually driving them
and what you can do about them
I'd love to talk I offer a free consultation
call link is in the description
and we'll talk about your migraines
any other health conditions you have
and we'll put together a game plan
to get you feeling better
it's going to be the best 30 minutes you've spent
on your health in a long time
so thanks so much for being here today
if this episode resonated
please share it
because
we're trying to get real information
into the hands of migraine sufferers
who need it
I'll talk to you next time see you soon